3 Month mark

It has now been 3 months since my father died. It doesn't seem like a big number, but the reality is that it seems like a lifetime ago. Our family was struck with a 2nd tragedy with the death of my husband's aunt a couple of weeks ago. Talk about a rough summer. She passed away after a year long battle with pancreatic cancer. She left behind a family who loves her, people who's lives she invested heavily in, and some very young grand children. Her funeral was awesome, she loved Jesus and spent her life giving Him glory, and her memorial was no different.
I know God didn't allow both of these deaths by chance, both so different yet the grief has so many similarities.... and both deaths have something to teach my kids. It doesn't make either one of these losses hurt less. I couldn't help by wonder why God has now allowed my husband, to grieve a loss at the same time that I am hurting.

I have noticed that every month, right around the 23rd, I become very emotional. Most times I haven't even mentally known the date, but my heart must know, and with each passing month my loss becomes more and more real. We had family visiting us at the 3 month mark, and boy did it make a difference! It was great for me to be surrounded by people when this hard day came and went. I had other things to laugh and smile about, and was again reminded that God has placed people in our lives who do love us.

A cousin, mourning his dear mama, made the statement "Everything around reminds me of her. I think of her every second of everyday." It's strange how the loss of someone you love brings so many parts of your life that they touched, to the surface. Like abrasive sandpaper, the memories come out and start sanding down, leaving only the dust of dried tears behind. It's also amazing to me how much my mind has attempted to lesson the blow. Just the other day the movie Cannonball Run was on Tv, everyone was enjoying it, I remembered how much my dad liked it (and movies with similar humor), and for a split second, the thought came that I needed to call and talk to him about it. It would be a pleasant conversation! Reality quickly smacked my in the forehead: there would be no phone call, no discussion on the humor of this show, my dad is gone.

My grief is lessened a bit when I can hold on to this truth: If we allow, God can "cut and dress" us, allowing nothing to be wasted that happens in our lives, but using everything for the glory of the God who loves us beyond our comprehension. Do I trust Him?

1Peter 1:6-7 "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor, at the revelation of Jesus Christ."