New addition

It's now been 4 months since my father's suicide. I wish I could say that life has returned to normal, but instead, his choice of death has marred our daily lives.

We had hoped to cushion our children from the blow, with daily prayer, speaking to them about grandpa Dale, sharing memories, we really thought that they could go on not being scarred. Boy were we wrong! Weekly calls from the principal, dealing with late, and unfinished work everyday, and acting out in ways we didn't think were possible, has littered our lives since school began. Granted, this is all coming from our 12 yr old, and that's a tough age as is, but he was the closest to grandpa Dale- and he is struggling to make sense of it all just like the rest of us left behind.

As a mom, it breaks my heart to see my children hurting, and I toss back and forth between being angry and frustrated that my father didn't think about the damage he left behind for his grandchildren to deal with. Despite our best parenting efforts, there will be scars left behind that will help shape their future lives ahead.

Last week, we decided that perhaps we needed an addition to our family, and I thought it would be great if we could save a life at the same time. We headed out to the local animal control where we picked our new found friend.

We needed to return home and wait for a few more days since she wasn't quite old enough to come home. The days seemed like years as we all anticipated bringing her home!

Finally the day came for us to pick her up. Armed with a bubblegum pink carrier, a purple fuzzy blanket and feathery toy propped inside, we walked through the doors to bring our baby kitty home.

She went nameless for a few days, and after much discussion, we came to an agreement- Simkah a Hebrew word meaning "God's gladness or God's joy". Already she has helped restore some joy into my heart which has been far too often filled with tears and sorrow, she has helped restore laughter and playing to our home ... as one friend called her, "our healing kitty".

The day that I was behind the wheel bring her home I was overcome with a clash of emotion: I had just saved this tiny little thing from certain death, I saved a life! That was the joy part. The other side of that was extreme sadness and guilt that I could save this life but I couldn't save my father. I realized in that moment with tears streaming down my face that I need to live everyday as if it is my last. I've been set back the last few months, having a hard time coping or dealing with everything around me, but God promises restoration to me and to my children. He is big enough to do it in one breath, yet he loves to use people and things around us to help touch our lives. Our new little addition is a gentle reminder that God wants to restore and loves to rebuild.... and that He is indeed, still in control.

Jeremiah 33:6 "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and let them enjoy abundant peace and security. I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity, and will rebuild them as they were before. I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will cleanse them of all their sins of rebellion against me. Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on Earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it."