That 3 letter word

It's such a small word. A small word with immense consequences.

I've been playing an illusive game of hide and seek with it my whole life.
I've fought for it in the darkest of places,the night that has swallowed some of my days.

If I could describe my last few years it would look something like this:
melancholy.
sorrow.
mourning.
sadness.

Guilt that comes then flees.

All that changed a few months ago.I think I've found it. I think I've found it and the key that unlocks it.


It's JOY.
It's the bliss found in the painted sky of sunsets.
The wonder as I watch the waves pound across white sand.
The delight as I stop and listen for little giggles that echo through my home.
The amusement of bare piggies running through green grass on a warm November day.

It also comes in the form of refreshment from tiny, frothy bubbles of milk sitting atop my cup of caffeine.
 Rich food that sits in my belly.
The comfort of a warm hand and attentive hug when I need it most.

Yes, joy. I write it with a gleam that illuminates my entire being. My body. My soul. I can't help but grin!

It's been hidden, buried so deep at times it seemed unreachable.
Unattainable, as I dug through memories, disappointments, and fears. As if I were burrowing my hands into the soft, brown soil, hunting some something unseen to the eyes. Digging deep, seeing a shining glimpse of what I was searching for, only to have the soil collapse like sand  around my weary hands. My soul no better now than when I began my pursuit.

My joy hunt came to me in the form of paper. A hard bound book with a photo of a twigged nest. Blue eggs.
Could this really help me find my joy?

As I began to read it, the author tells her story. Her joy dig. Her treasure hunt. Her secret to how she found it.
And I thought to myself, "why not?"

So began my hunt. It didn't require a metal detector nor any special tools.
It required not much more than my own eyes.
A heart that was willing to look beyond the hurt, the tears, and the pain.

Wouldn't you know it? After a few days of being intentional, in seeking those things that could make me smile, I encountered joy. Pure joy. It gets bigger and better the more I seek it.

Last weekend, joy found itself in a dance party in my living room. In shoes too tall to walk in. Us girls kicked off our tattered flip-flops and pranced and danced around in heels till our feet ached and our heart beat and our wind was gone from our lungs.

Today, joy comes in the form of my daddy's cup. Gold rubbed thin from years of his hand cupping it as he sipped. Today, I sip. I drink. And I find joy. And tomorrow? Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I dare you to find the joy in it.

Let them give thanks to the Lord, for His unfailing love, and His wonderful deeds for men. For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. 
Psalm 107:8-9