Today was another better day. Life seems to roll along, and I can roll with it.
I managed to smile, to laugh, without thinking of the sorrow of my dad and his final choice.
Then something happened. Sabian (12) went up to his room while I was busy cleaning up the kitchen from dinner..... he came back down and proudly showed his arm full of loot: "Mom, I found all the stuff Grandpa Dale gave me!" In his arms he held little model cars and trucks, a baseball mitt, ball. and mini harmonica.
Instantly, I fell into tears. trying to hide my pain from the boy standing beside me in the kitchen. This little man just lost his grandpa, I thought. He has watched his mom fall apart everyday since it happened, and I have to be strong now. I quickly looked away and tried to sound happy, while I told him how great those little treasures were. He told me he was going to put them up far away on a shelf, "They are worth so much now mom!" His voice was a voice crossed with both hope and deep sadness....How can he make sense of this? I wondered, just for a minute, how my dear child would fare carrying this weight on his shoulders for the rest of his life...his grandpa decided to die. He choose to leave us all. We weren't worth living for. How will this affect him? What about the rest of my children? The questions swirling through my mind could have driven me mad... but in this moment I chose to remember the truth of God's Word, that He tells us not to worry in Matt 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
I choke back the tears, and have a conversation with my son about the precious gifts he holds in his hands.
I managed to smile, to laugh, without thinking of the sorrow of my dad and his final choice.
Then something happened. Sabian (12) went up to his room while I was busy cleaning up the kitchen from dinner..... he came back down and proudly showed his arm full of loot: "Mom, I found all the stuff Grandpa Dale gave me!" In his arms he held little model cars and trucks, a baseball mitt, ball. and mini harmonica.
Instantly, I fell into tears. trying to hide my pain from the boy standing beside me in the kitchen. This little man just lost his grandpa, I thought. He has watched his mom fall apart everyday since it happened, and I have to be strong now. I quickly looked away and tried to sound happy, while I told him how great those little treasures were. He told me he was going to put them up far away on a shelf, "They are worth so much now mom!" His voice was a voice crossed with both hope and deep sadness....How can he make sense of this? I wondered, just for a minute, how my dear child would fare carrying this weight on his shoulders for the rest of his life...his grandpa decided to die. He choose to leave us all. We weren't worth living for. How will this affect him? What about the rest of my children? The questions swirling through my mind could have driven me mad... but in this moment I chose to remember the truth of God's Word, that He tells us not to worry in Matt 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
I choke back the tears, and have a conversation with my son about the precious gifts he holds in his hands.
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