What goes up.. must come down

Sacred memories- by Lyndie Sorenson

Memories are so sacred
also bittersweet
for with those sacred memories..
was your life left incomplete.

Some smiles and some heartbreak
a double-edged sword.
When you only have your memories
tears can never be ignored.

Memories are a blessing
also painful to one's heart,
for with those sacred memories
comes knowledge we're apart.

Living life without you
forever, will be hard.
To wake each day to memories..
leaves me feeling very scarred.

Most people are just clueless
that I travel down this road...
where memories are so sacred
to this tragic life bestowed.

In a moment grief can grab you
as your memories appear
a special smile or occasion,
an anniversary of a year.

I'm grateful for the memories
for the life that we did share,
although with those sacred memories...
in sorrow I must bear.

The poem above came through from a new group I am a part of- a survivor group.It's a group of people from all different walks of life, and backgrounds who have one painful thing in common.

Every time I say that word... "suicide" I want to cringe- to run away. But the more I say it, the more my heart is understanding exactly what has happened and what will be our struggle from now on.

The last 2 days were pretty good. Of course, tears fall everyday, but they seemed to fall less frequently the last couple of days. Just when I felt like there may be hope on the horizon, I was filled once again with sorrow, and not just sorrow but also anger. Unfortunately it seems to come out at those stuck living with me now.

I can't say why I have been so upset, only that there is a deep-seeded, deep rooted anger- at my dad for causing all this pain, at my extended family for not being supportive, at God- why me Lord?